By Janne
Hello everyone,
My name is Janne and I’m an English teacher at the Stedelijk Gymnasium in Leiden (a secondary school). Here are some lovely quotes from pupils that I have collected this school year. Most of these have been translated from Dutch to English. Enjoy!
Chapter about science and technology
*I’m explaining what dial-up internet means*
Pupil: “Ugh… I hate calling people on the phone”
Me: “What do you think will happen in one hundred years’ time?”
Pupil A: “I’ll be dead, miss”
Pupil B: “and so will you.”
They have a speaking exercise about pictures on the smartboard, one of the pictures is of paper straws.
Pupil A to pupil B: “I hate paper straws. Why don’t they just invent plastic ones?”
Pupil: “How old are you, miss?”
Me: “I’m thirty”
Pupil: “Wow, and you’re still in secondary school?!”
General
Pupil A: “Miss, I DEMAND to know my grade”
Me: “That’s rather aggressive. The test was yesterday, so no, I don’t have your grades”
Pupil A: “Ah, it was worth a try. In history we were taught about Stalin, and he always got his way by making demands.”
Pupil (after being in school for three years): “Since when is ‘I’ capitalised????!?”
Year 1 pupil to a classmate: “English is a cool subject, don’t you think? I mean, you can use English when you run out of Dutch words”
Pupil A: “Miss, are you a REAL English teacher?”
Me: “No, I’m imaginary”
Pupil B: “No he means, are you actually a teacher?”
Pupil: “Miss, when did you know you wanted to be a teacher?”
Me: “A few years ago”
Pupil: “So when you were younger?”
Sex Ed
Pupil: “Miss, how do you come out to your parents?”
Me: “Well, first of all, you don’t have to come out of you don’t want to. (explains multiple creative ideas to come out)”
Pupil: “Alright, thanks. I think I’ll stay in the closet for now and then jump-scare them when I’m older”
Pupil A: “What is this?? (points to picture of a condom)”
Pupil B: “That’s a condom, stupid!”
Pupil A: “How should I know what a condom looks like?? I thought they were round and not square!”
Pupil: “Miss, have you ever had sex with a dude?”
Me: “Yes, I have.”
Pupil: “Did you like the person you had sex with?”
Me: “Yes, otherwise I wouldn’t do it”
Pupil: “Hmm, I always thought men and women hated each other when they have sex”
Chapter about food and restaurants
Me: “Who can tell me some typical Dutch foods?”
Pupil: “Apples!”
Pupil A: “What are ‘bitterballen’ and ‘pepernoten’ in English?”
Pupil B: (yells in class) “Suck deez BITTER BALLS! Suck deez PEPPER NUTS!”
Pupil A: “I hate the taste of coffee”
Pupil B: “Why? You love Starbucks, though”
Pupil A: “Starbucks isn’t coffee, it’s capitalism”
Chapter about holidays activities
Me: “So, ‘huren’ and ‘hire’ are not synonymous. ‘Hiring’ a bike is incorrect, you would say ‘to rent a bike’. Hiring a bike means that you’re conducting a job interview with a bike.”
Pupil: “Hello mr bike, can you roll? Can you steer? You’ve got the job!”
Me: “So the word holiday comes from the phrase ‘holy day’”
Pupil A: “Does that mean that the summer holidays are holy?”
Pupil B: “I still have to go to church, so I think so”
Pupil A: “The correct spelling is W-H-E-N-S-D-A-Y” Pupil B: “No it’s not, it’s Wodan’sday!”