by Wietse Zwart (and Book)
Lately, we’ve been running into the problem that members aren’t coming to our member’s assemblies anymore. Why? Because they’re way too fucking lengthy, that’s why. Oh, and in part because our member’s assemblies are in Dutch. Today, I am fixing all of that. Firstly, by translating all items (except for the formations; they shouldn’t be on member’s assemblies anyway) into English, and then by making these items into yes/no questions, which I will then answer using my Book of all answers. So, let’s fix democracy by bringing back mysticism!
Before diving in, let’s demonstrate how the Book works with an example question. First, the yes/no question, for example: should I get another cup of coffee? Then, I channel my spiritual energy, wave my hand around a bit, before opening the Book on a random page. Book says: yes, but don’t force anything. Ergo, I should clearly have that cup of coffee, but I shouldn’t rush it. I’ll finish this article first, I suppose. Okay, now we can dive in.
Voorstel van het bestuur tot verhoging van de verkoopprijs van standaardpils
So the board wants to increase the price of beer!? Ridiculous! Let’s formulate this proposal into a question in the English language: Should the Koornbeurs raise the price of beer? The Book says:
Tell somebody what it means to you
Such wisdom! We have collectively treated this item in a strictly financial sense, despite us all having deeply emotional connections to beer. Perhaps it is not the price of beer that is the problem, perhaps the problem is that we are out of touch with our beer-affiliated emotions. Discard this item, drink more beer!
Voorstel van de Techkie tot aankoop van passieve monitors
The Techkie wants to spend money again! As always, I’m sure it’s very important, but I’m also sure it’s very expensive. Question time! Should the Techkie get money to buy their new passive monitors? Book says:
Yes
Huh, that’s easy. Okay, let’s move on!
Voorstel van de FK tot verhoging van de maximale entreeprijs
Again with the money thingies! I don’t like money as a concept, it only leads to consumerism and dick measuring contests based on possession. So, dear Book, what do you think of the following question: should the Koornbeurs raise its maximum entrance fee? Book says:
Be practical
I do suppose members have free entrance anyways, so we’re just squeezing money out of people not part of our little social group… Yeah, let’s win this dick measuring contest based on possession!
Voorstel van de Popkie tot goedkeuring van cohosting van Shards of Darkness
What have we here? An item that is not directly related to money? Wicked! So, what does the Book think about the question “is the Popkie allowed to cohost a night with Shards of Darkness?”
You will certainly get support
The Book loves it! Go get ‘em Popkie, my mystical Book has your back.
Voorstel van de Ondergrondswerkgroep tot verhoging van het budget teneinde truien in te kopen
Do you still have your Ondergronds sweater? Or are you a little too young for that? Apparently, the people behind Ondergronds want a new round of merch. I really like my sweater, but what does the Book think? Hey Book, can the people behind Ondergronds get some extra budget in order to buy new merch? Book says:
Be prepared to do it differently
Okay, I suppose the Book is all for it, but it does want a new design. Can we do that, Ondergronds people? Book says thank you!
Presentatie van de Acqki over een werkgroep voor een grote verbouwing
Last one already! I’m writing this entire article in less than 30 minutes, so I think we can establish the Book is a lot more efficient compared to the member’s assembly. Anyway, this isn’t really a proposal, but the Acqki wants to set up a work group for large renovations? I don’t quite know what it is they have in mind, but hey, let’s just ask the book if we should spend tens of thousands of euro’s on some massive, yet to be defined project. So, Book?
You might be met with resistance
You think, Book? Alright, maybe you’re right. Maybe we should actually think this through.
That’s it! That’s how simple decision-making at the Koornbeurs can be. So, Book, do you think all member’s assemblies should be cancelled going forward, transferring power to you?
It would be a pleasure
Hey board, do you see that? Book is willing to take over your responsibilities! That should take some of the stress away from running the Koornbeurs. Well, dear reader, I will see you at the bar, since we will not have to worry about lengthy member’s assemblies anymore!