For You.
It’s never too late to be who you might have been.
~ Alice, Predestination (2014)
April 8th, 2026 | Rotterdam, The Netherlands
If you’re reading this, you are in fact alive.
That is mind-boggling.
I did not know for certain what happened to you.
I just turned twenty-five, and I changed my whole life radically in just a few weeks’ time. All for myself. No, all for you.
Up until… Well, now.
I didn’t know,
That means I am,
That means you are,
That means all of us are in fact
Alive.
Which means I
- Just fell horribly in love;
- Am in fact mentally stable (-ish);
- Can survive.
I didn’t deserve any of this.
But neither did you.
You are my muse.
I don’t think I’ll ever have the chance to write a letter to you again. So here it is.
I don’t want to waste any more of your time. I think someone is waiting for me.
You are.
This is for all the Trans, Queer, Middle-class, mentally unwell and struggling youth. The ones who also don’t think they can make it until the end, wherever that may be. The ones who also think they can’t go on another day. Those who also don’t feel comfortable in their own skin. Those who struggle every single day. In a sense, you inspired me to sit here on this very park bench in a city I can’t understand. I just took one hit of one joint and I’m about to marry the love of my life. I think. Either that, or… well.
Let’s not finish that thought.
My friends, family and you seemingly have fixed my entire life. Ridiculous.
I wasn’t even sure you were alive until I read this. Somehow, meeting you has completely altered my life. That’s a strange feeling.
Despite this, I’m writing. Writing while every single problem I currently have has been resolved.
I feel danger.
My heartrate is currently 135 and I have slept for maybe three hours. You should NOT be thinking about this right now. Yet, you’re reading this.
WHY?!
To protect the others.
You just received a gorgeous notebook from mum all the while also bumming a lighter because you’re in outrageous debt. Not because of you, but because of her. HER.
Save yourself so I can save others. Listen to that cringey song. Watch that silly movie. But under NO circumstance, give up. Don’t publish this. Not yet. Give it a bit. Use a pencil, not a pen. Give up substances for a bit. Yap.
Keep writing, stay silly and count every day like it’s the last. You might never make it if you don’t. Shout names, sleep as well as you can and don’t overspend, unless you really need to. Accept the care you were asking for but didn’t get.
Stay a bit.
For me,
For you,
For her.
For all of us.
And under no circumstance, let your thoughts get the better of you.
I’d be horribly disappointed.
I miss you.
Dreadfully.
~ Maya,
forever.
It’s been a strange few weeks for me, but this is one of countless “articles” I’ve written in that period. A few I did on the day of my 25th birthday, but this is gonna be the only public one for a while at least. I hope it inspires something in you. If not, that’s alright. Love y’all anyways <3. Leave a comment with your thoughts, or let your thoughts just be your thoughts.
~ Maya <3
<3